No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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