Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
