He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
