I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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