you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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