im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
