yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
