the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i came on her dog
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
