Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
