dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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