My room smells like vodka and shame
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
