is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
