My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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