those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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