Duck Duck Cougar?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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