this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
