Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
