to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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