Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
