eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
