I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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