His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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