you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
