He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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