Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize