What did we do last night that was yellow?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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