yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
