Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
