I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
