If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
