I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
