and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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