i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
