i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want nice things and good sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
