naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
50% drunk capacity currently
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
