Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
