She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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