I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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