can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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