Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
