chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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