I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
