cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
