oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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