I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
