And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
