if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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