I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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