okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
