I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
