i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
