I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
