life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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