I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
