what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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