somebody snuck up and got me drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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