hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
