my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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