what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
