Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
