I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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