Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
