i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
