I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
