does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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