Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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