she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
