His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
