We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
